Let me see now…. The last time I blogged was June. More than four months ago. I was on a roll for a while, but stopped. I was planning on a slight delay of my next blog anyway. Just not this much of a delay. I was on the verge of officially announcing huge things and wanted to wait for the right time to announce them, then drum up excitement. I recorded a demo CD to supplement a detailed grant application for funding to record my first solo classical full-length CD, which in turn would be released in a big, splashy recital. It was all planned out, right down to the guest list (by invitation only), wine, snacks and candles.

The grant application was turned down. The CD, as a result, is on ice. Nothing worthwhile to blog about. Bring on fresh thoughts of another career change.
Carpenter? …. No… I barely know how to hold a hammer. Chef?…. No…. I’ve had too many years of eating out, or taking out, or relying on my parents. Boiling water has become an event in my kitchen….

Off I went to South America with Lady Cove Women’s Choir. That surely would inject new life and energy into this exhausted, frustrated musician. Yes indeed. My Better Half by my side as we wind our way through Argentina and Brazil, en route to a part of the world I had never seen and performing for audiences who might see some value in what I do. Lady Cove, needless to say, stole the show at the World Symposium on Choral Singing. The women, deservedly, were the talk of this prestigious conference. Only one little issue… Not a single conference organizer thought to provide a piano. The accompanied pieces, therefore, had to be ditched for most of the appearances except for one, thanks to a 15-year-old volunteer who loaned me his keyboard. I was very proud to be with Lady Cove who represented Newfoundland & Labrador brilliantly. My personal musical morale, however, hit bottom.

Accountant?…. No…. I tried that before. Loved it so much, I ended up going into music….
Psychologist?… No… That would mean taking science courses. You wouldn’t want to know what happened the last time I took a science course. Maybe another journal entry for another time….

After South America, I did reflect positively on the experience for Lady Cove’s sake and for the sake of me and My Better Half enjoying tremendous quality time throughout what turned out to be a lengthy vacation for my part. Upon returning home, I eased back into private teaching, but avoided the piano. Closed the books on the recital pieces and reluctantly returned to accompanying a handful of MUN School of Music students.

The period of feeling sorry for myself came not only on the heels of rejection in those instances above, but also after bidding fond farewells to young musicians with whom I had worked for years. Kids who are no longer kids, now well on their way down their own paths… and happily so. One of them is actively pursuing a performance career in another province. Three of them are doing something far removed from a music career.

But then came some very pleasant, invigorating surprises. Ironically, all of them because they chose different paths are working harder than ever to keep in contact with me, now that we’re not making music together all the time anymore. To a person, all I’ve been hearing and seeing is their renewed energy, excitement, determination, vision, ambition, and downright outward happiness I saw in myself just one time before…. the time I decided to go into music. They’re all into something new and intrinsically rewarding.

Inspired by their robust energy for their new lives and grateful for their loyalty to me, I too am seeking new, rewarding paths. The recital scores are open again and the solo practicing is happening anew. The CD isn’t, but what odds? I want to prove to myself and to my invited guests that I can still find my way around a piano. So I will in April. It’s not another career I need, but rather a fresh flavour in a career that’s tried and true. This crazy profession has too many rewards to ignore. I’m not talking about money or trophy rewards. I’m talking about the profound pleasure of seeing Newman Sound grow from a ragtag team of 20 singers seven years ago to the spectacular 40-voice group of friends it is today… and wondering what’s around the corner for them. I’m talking about those young musicians with whom I worked for years who now drop over to my house, frequently with little or no notice, just to hang out and make some music. I’m talking about this spectacular ten-year-old girl whose solo voice be introduced next week in my first gospel concert in nearly two years, and she’ll bring the house down. Just when I thought the well had run dry, increasingly more doors are opening up.

I’ve been working as a teacher/mentor/pianist/adjudicator for more than ten years with countless young artists and it’s time to start documenting my ongoing experiences in urban and rural Newfoundland and Labrador.

Stay tuned.

I have a cheap set of golf clubs I bought second-hand years ago. About once or twice a year, someone convinces me to go golfing. I usually accept, then end up regretting the decision because I’m really terrible at it. It’s always the same routine when I golf: I start off totally up for the challenge. By the tenth hole, I’m swearing and even giving up entirely.

This is the summer I’m determined to improve my technique, though. On a bitterly cold but sunny day in April, a young friend who is a great golfer asked me to go with him to The Wilds, about 40 minutes outside the city. I went because I knew there’d be very few others around to watch me make an utter fool of myself. The guy who somehow convinced me to go is young enough to be my son, yet was showing more patience with this activity which is his passion than I could ever dream of mustering. I’d swing hard and fast, trying to murder the ball. With that kind of swing, I usually either missed the stupid ball entirely or hit it just hard enough to go into the woods never to be seen again.

My young friend was saying nothing through my first several swings. He was just watching, never laughing or ridiculing, and kept saying, “No worries. Just try again.” So I did. And I still sucked. By the second hole, he started very quietly saying things like, “Nice and easy now. Not so hard and follow through.” So I eased up on my swing until the last instant and still tried to hit the ball as hard as I could. Then he’d say more specific things like, “Back up a little bit. Move your left foot that way”… and the like. So I started paying attention, since I had nothing to lose other than my sanity at that point. Lo and behold, I started hitting the ball. My aim was terrible, but I started to consistently hit the ball and was sending it greater distances. All because I started to relax physically and focus my attention.

At the time of that golf lesson, I was close to ready to throw in the towel on my recital and CD plans. It turned out that memorizing my piano music was far, far more challenging than I expected. Something to do with age and more distance between now and when I was a student who was required to memorize and perform every week. Since then, I’ve been applying those fundamental golf lessons to my rehearsals.

Of the four composers whose works I’ll be performing, I find Chopin the most difficult to perform and memorize. Today, I played all four Chopin pieces from memory for the first time with only a few minor slips. Starting tomorrow: Mozart and Beethoven. It’s all starting to finally happen for me now. Until a couple of months ago, I was simply working way too hard. I don’t mean in terms of time… because this program is requiring all of the time I can find. I mean in terms of attitude. I was rushing and needlessly putting all sorts of pressure on myself. I was rushing, getting frustrated and being counterproductive. Now I’m taking time before playing, thinking ahead, then starting. I’ve made several mental and physical adjustments. All subtle, but just enough to make some big differences. Most importantly, I’m not playing to try and blow anyone’s mind. I’m playing at my own comfortable pace.

I hope it’s comfortable for you too. I’m planning my first solo performance in more than three years for early-Fall this year, to be deliberately set in a very small venue for a select audience. Then through Fall and Winter I’ll be recording the same music for a new CD to be released early 2012 in a much larger concert.

It’s been a foggy and damp week in St. John’s. I’ve welcomed the weather because it has kept me inside, resulting in a more productive week than I’ve had in years. While I never complain about the weather, I admit I’m looking forward to a sunny day just so I can go for another round of golf. I can barely tolerate this maddening sport… which is why I keep going back. It teaches me that precision comes only with patience. I’m sure there’s a life lesson in there somewhere…